Thursday, March 5, 2009
Here we are again. It's almost spring, and I have visions of bikinis and my "real" clothes fitting me again by the beginning of summer dancing in my head. Every year the same thing. But for whatever reasons, the time escapes me, and suddenly it's August and I've been wearing the same size 12 capris for another 3 months and wishing I had the time and fortitude to have dieted and exercised my spring (and summer) away, to be at least svelt enough to want to wear a Halloween costume that doesn't involve searching for something baggy enough to still look like a decent outfit and still be dressed up.
In a nutshell, I am less than successful. I, according to some informal, online analyses, am an emotional eater. Not a surprise, really. And the more I get stressed about eating, the more I want to eat comfort food. Argh.
All this being said, I have (and am still having) a bit of a wake-up as we speak. I've had some health problems in the past few months that have resulted in my having to take a daily high dose of steroids. The drug effects have been pretty pronounced. I have the typical "moon-face" - in other words, I look like I've gained about 20 pounds in my face alone. I am bloated constantly, making my stomach very round and pregnant-looking. I have high blood pressure for the first time in my life, making fatigue a real issue. And steroids can produce a fatigue anyway - so when I climb the stairs, I not only have a rapid heartbeat when I get to the top, I have to stop and sit down for a few minutes, too.
So my big Come-to-Jesus moment was when I realized that this is what it's like to be obese (without actually gaining more than a few pounds, thank goodness). I am in pain and short of breath, and have no stamina for anything but the smallest tasks. I can't imagine how (and why) anyone would be willing to put up with feeling like this on a regular, daily basis. I'm appalled at my own lack of ability. And so, I've been smacked upside the head with new motivation.
Step One:
Figure out how deep I'm in, with my nasty eating and non-exercise habits. Solution - Food Log and Activity Log. Sounds like a big pain in the butt, huh? It's actually kind of mesmerizing - here's where I've been tracking.
http://caloriecount.about.com
It's free, and it's about as painless as you can get. Everything's in one spot. And you just look up the food or activity and it fills in everything for you, including running tracking reports for different days.
Step Two:
Using tools to figure out my own psychological motivation for eating, and taking a good hard look at myself and making up my mind to do this every time I walk to the cupboard because I think I want to eat something. It's a journey, not a destination.
Step Three:
Substitute, substitute, substitute. Thoreau was right - simplify food choices. Instead of a pre-made lunch with all the sodium and additives, I had a bowl of rice today. Just rice. For dinner, I'm going out, but I'm sticking with protein. Yes, it will be chicken wings, but I'll take it easy on the blue cheese. And this time I'll eat the celery.
Oh, and every time I want to eat, I will drink a glass of water first.
Step Four:
The Big E. Exercise. That's my Everest. There are so many roadblocks that I put up for this one - time, energy, time... And now I have another one - the fatigue related to the medication. So this one may have to wait for me, for the next 2 weeks until I start weaning off of the stuff. But this is another "make the decision every day" issue for me. But you know, Pilates you do laying on the floor, so that's my answer.
I know there will be more steps. But I'm really at that point, finally. I want to feel like I own my own body again, instead of having to wear the same 4 blouses and 2 pairs of pants all the time. I want to look like my skinny friends. I want to look like my old skinny self.
Wish me luck.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment